essence

Never truly have I been religious..... nor do I have any illusions about my knowledge of the realm of spirituality. So what is it that has all along drawn me to the Dargah at Ajmer, I've often wondered. I've asked myself that often, but the answers are never compelling enough to be satisfied with. It never fails to amaze me for the simple reason that having no place in my heart and mind to follow any form of ritualistic practices, hence the concerted efforts to avoid typical places of worship, especially temples, I have been the bohemian who prefers to be left alone to reach the Higher Powers that may be... in my own roundabout way. Frankly, I think regimented rituals scare me, for the sense of self-worth takes a nose-dive given that I do not follow the mantras, neither can I whole-heartedly follow any of the do-this-after-this-and then-that.... pattern that these visits corner me into. It nearly stifles whatever feeling of remnant devotion I may have.

But it is the same "not-the-places-of-worship" me, who every once in awhile has this intense need to "go home" , so to speak! When I think back of when this fascination with Chisti began.... it would probably go back to the sixth grade or so, when the history book we used, gave me the first insight on the teachings of Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti and his efforts at popularising Sufism in India. It was probably just a few paragraphs on religions in India, with the Khwaja's teachings of Sufism being termed as an amalgamation of the Hindu and Islamic tenets that went on to spread Universal Love.... but what stays with me from that age, is the fact that people of all faiths seem to relate to the Saint. It is nearly 800years that he has been gone..... but his sayings still ring true in so many of our lives till date. Probably the simplicity of his teachings, that made it easier for all and sundry to follow him.... or was it simply his compassion and the sense of belonging that he brought into their lives. To the faithful and afflicted souls invoking his blessing, he has ever been a never-failing source of moral strength and spiritual enlightenment. Apart from the common people, even the mighty kings of India, both Hindu and Muslim, have paid submissive homage to the great saint and have sought his miraculous aid to solve their problems.

There has been an old adage attached to the followers of Khwaja Chisti - that one may plan and think and want to visit his dargah to seek his divine intervention into your life........ but the visit never can materialise until the Khwaja himself calls for your soul to visit! If that be true... I consider myself truly blessed. For whenever I have truly asked to visit, I have made my way there.... So even the worst streak of scepticism in me stops to question this supposed illogical belief! But, isn't it always easier to believe that you went simply because you are "blessed" enough to be called by Him.

Whatever be the case, as always, I landed at Ajmer by road from Delhi last Saturday..after a lot of heart-burn and anxiety of nearly not making it! The initial plan had been to leave on Friday morning........ things did not really pan out for that day. One may ask why Friday? The answer is very simple in my head... The Friday prayers are considered the most auspicious and hence I have to reach ! Well, Friday came and went... and I stewed in anxiety... somewhere along the way it also steeled my resolve to leave any-which-way on the Saturday, for that would be my last possible chance to do so. So until nearly 6.45 a.m. ... when I set off... I wasn't truly sure I was going to make it this time. So was the age-old belief to be tested at last! Did I not really receive the "call"? On reaching Ajmer, at the foothills of the Taragarh in Rajasthan.... as before I was awash with the sense of deja vu ...... but of course I had been there before... but why the strong sense of bonding with the place... how is it that my otherwise ridiculous sense of direction never fails me there.... But this visit was after nearly 8years and all I had with me was an old visiting card of one of the Khadims and a name that I remembered, one of the sons of the revered Khadim, Salman. So when the rest of the visitors were being accosted to be escorted to the Dargah by the stall owners ... I asked to be put onto Salman. Salman was tracked down and the rest followed like a dream......... Salman remembered me from my previous visits, asked after my parents and my son.... asked why I had not visited for so long! Either that was very smart talking or then again, was it? So I am taken past the maddening throngs that were converging at the entrance.... Oh, incidently that Saturday was some very auspicious date on the history of the Dargah... and definitely more than the Friday that had past! That is about all that registered in my mind from what Salman was saying as I controlled my sense of panic and claustrophobia jostling through the sea of humanity. It was a battle of elbows, almost literally so. In that adrenaline that followed, it felt great to be escorted aside .. a little away from the crowds... my offerings organised... and then the crowd parted for my benefited as I walked into the inner sanctum. All along it never left my mind that I had actually made it there.....!

So blessings sought......... with the right companion by my side………….the traditional prayers said.... the main chadar from the mazhar to cover my head and seek the blessings.... this has always felt special to me! for I am not a celebrity or VIP to deem such attention.......... but I guess I am blessed after all!

As before, I have returned with a sense of inner calm and a sense of purpose, fortified with the blessings, I guess. Whatever it may be... I know it will hold me through my upheavals or my "bad days" and give me a sense of peace on the "good".

The more I learn about the ‘essence of things’ the more I wonder........