a soul in pain........

Talking to a friend last night, made me realise how fragile the soul is .... and yet how resilient. The pain that is deep within, may sometimes crush the very essence of the person's being , their self-belief ....question their own good. But why should it be so? Why does the old adage of - "it gets better with time", seems like just another fuddy-duddy line some loser coined. For those of us who have lived through the pain, it may have panned out to be true, but for someone in the vortex of it just then....it feels like a bottomless pit. One claws at the ends to climb out.....but the gravel keeps slipping off.


This made me think back on why it has to begin with a process, where the forgiveness for the pain has to come from within. One has to come to terms with the root of this pain and find the strength from within to first forgive oneself. They say that there are several things one has to understand about forgiveness -

• No one can force us to forgive....it is voluntary. Only we can decide in our minds and hearts, when we can begin the process of healing by forgiving. We must remember here, that , forgiveness is perhaps the most magnanimous gesture we can make, not only to those who have wronged us, but to ourselves as well. There are times, when the pain stems from being unable to forgive oneself ... for being helpless in a situation, for maybe not having done enough for some one.... or maybe for having cared too much and thence having lost it all..... Whatever the source of the pain, the best way to deal with it, is to first understand and then deal with it, slowly.
• Forgiveness is a state of mind, a state of forgetting .... of letting go of the pain.... of choosing to move beyond.
• One cannot but wonder, if we are talking of forgiving the person who has hurt us. No. That is never the purpose of forgiving at all. When someone does us wrong, we are not expected to make believe that the wrong never happened. But that it was beyond our means to hold on to the pain of the wrong and hurt the soul. Let go of the pain of insult, being cheated, a death of a loved one where you may think you could have done more... Trust your own self in believing that you have been the best that you could...done the best that you could.... the rest was never in your control.
• Sometimes, when we constantly live with the pain of being wronged, we sometimes make decisions that are coloured by the emotional scars of that wrong. This is as good as being burdened with the guilt of having commited the wrong oneself. Often, it is heavier. Let go .... maybe have faith in someone you can trust and confide, maybe seek emotional help to deal with this pain.... but ultimately, let go.....
• When we can finally forgive - the wrong doer or even ourselves, it will lighten the burden of anger. The feeling is exhilarating.... try it.
• And yet, forgiveness does not mean love thy enemies.... Oh dear Lord! No!!! No one is required to love an enemy or wrongdoer. But do not hold onto the pain within...expunge it..and you will find that the people in question do not matter any more.
  
• Please remember, forgiveness is never easy. Because we say it is a state of mind more than anything else, it requires understanding. The process of this journey of understanding is not to force ourselves to believe that the wrong never happened.... but to not let it cloud our lives.
• It is easy to assume that forgiveness is an act of weakness. But by doing so, we are putting the people who have wronged us, in a state of power over us, while taking away from us the very essence of our own. But please remember, forgiveness is an act of strength. Each of us have our core strength..... tap as deep as you have to, but find that in yourself.

Once we understand what forgiving can do for us, we must try to analyze how to go about doing so. There maybe various ways - which are but means to an end, but unless dealt with one at a time, it goes against the basic grain of understanding the pain and dealing with it.

• Let go of the negative thoughts that get in the way of your happiness
• Uncover from within, your feelings of bitterness, hurt, betrayal, being victimized
• Let go of the anger and move on. This may also mean, anger towards oneself.
• Absorb the pain of the past without the need for apologies and revenge
• Gain inner peace through compassion, understanding and acceptance.

All this may seem like a book of knowledge being read out at a lecture, but it comes from deep within the soul of anyone who has gone through pain and learnt to deal with it , over time. This is my humble and yet sincere effort at reaching out to my friend in his time of pain. He has been through so much, and yet has the dignity within to stand up to it. He may have kept the pain deep within, covered it with a smile ..... but has he dealt with it? It is my fervent hope that some of what I have written touches a chord in him.... makes him forgive himself first and then heal in the process of forgiving the wrongs around him.

This is for you..... my friend.